I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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