my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
