My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
