Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
