Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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