but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
