She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize