I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
