I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
