Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
