She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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