I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
