I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
