She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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