I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize