how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
