i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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