i used baking grease as lip gloss
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
