It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
