I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
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we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
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It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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