All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
