I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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