I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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