White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize