Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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