I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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