She's JV to your varsity
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
