You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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