ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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