just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
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