I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I puked a lego.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
