it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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