It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
