We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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