I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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