She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
