The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
