there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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