Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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