nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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