Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
