i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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