Moan for me like Helen Keller
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
