I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
