Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
