guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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