I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
