i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
