who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
