How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize