Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
