The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
