I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
