She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
zippers are such a cool invention
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
