thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
