I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize