I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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