as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize