I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
love makes seman taste better
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
