it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize