Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
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