Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
