I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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